“We Didn't Do All That”: Breastfeeding When Your Family Doesn't Get It

Black Breastfeeding Week 2026 | Mood Lactation Partners | Day 2

“You feeding that baby again?”

“That baby can't still be hungry.”

“When are you going to stop breastfeeding?”

“You know you can just give them a bottle, right?”

“Girl, we didn't do all that.”

If you've breastfed around family, chances are you've heard some version of these comments. And usually, they're coming from people who genuinely love you and your baby.

But sometimes the people who love us the most can unintentionally make breastfeeding harder.

When Generations Do Things Differently

For many Black families, breastfeeding knowledge hasn't always been passed down from generation to generation. Your mother may have formula-fed. Your grandmother may have had a completely different feeding experience.

So when you're talking about feeding on demand, cluster feeding, pumping, skin-to-skin or breastfeeding beyond a year, your family may genuinely not understand.

They're parenting from what they know.

You're parenting from what you're learning.

Both can exist—but sometimes they clash.

Sometimes the Village Needs Education

Grandma may think the baby isn't getting enough because they're nursing again. Your auntie might suggest formula because she wants you to get some sleep. Someone may question why you're “still” breastfeeding.

It doesn't always mean they don't support you. Sometimes the village needs education, too.

Invite the people closest to you into what you're learning. Explain your goals. Share information from your lactation provider. Tell them what kind of support would actually be helpful.

But remember: you don't have to defend every decision.

Sometimes, “I know that's different from how you did things, but this is what works for us,” is enough.

Give Your Village a Job

Your family may want to help but not know how, especially when breastfeeding means they can't simply take over a feeding.

So give them another job.

Bring me some water. Make dinner. Wash my pump parts. Change the baby. Hold the baby after I nurse so I can shower. Take care of the older kids.

Supporting breastfeeding doesn't require feeding the baby.

Sometimes the best way to support a breastfeeding mother is to take care of everything else so she can focus on herself and her baby.

Sometimes We Inherit Our Village. Sometimes We Build It.

And sometimes, despite your best efforts, your family just doesn't get it.

Your breastfeeding village can also be a friend, another breastfeeding mom, a doula, a lactation professional, a support group or a community organization.

You can love your family without relying on them for every kind of support you need.

We also don't have to shame the generations before us for doing things differently. They made decisions based on the information and resources available to them.

We can honor them and still choose differently.

So when you hear:

“We didn't do all that.”

It's okay to say:

“I know. But this is what I'm choosing to do.”

That's how generational change starts.

And maybe one day, instead of hearing “We didn't do all that,” the next Black breastfeeding mother in your family will hear:

“We know exactly how to support you.”